Worry Book

My children worry about a lot of things.

 

But then, everyone worries, don’t they?

 

My children worry about being alone, being burgled, the dark, flying bugs, spiders, wasps and any unfamiliar noises.

 

They also worry a lot about me because I am disabled.

 

These days’ children seem under even more pressure especially following the last turbulent year.

 

When I was at primary school I made myself ill with anxiety over my Maths SAT and I’m a qualified solicitor so I’m sure you can imagine how many exams I had to take….

Anyway: what can parents do to help our children with increased worry?

I use a very simple idea: I give them a Worry Book.  If my child has a worry they write it in their 'worry book' and then they put it on my bed.

 

The genius is that they don’t have to ‘tell’ me about their worries directly, but they can still communicate them. 

We've been doing this for 2 years now and I have found it particularly useful in the current global pandemic when there is  - and has been - huge amounts of uncertainty in the world.

I’ll be honest: we have had a fair amount of my children worrying about what might seem silly (but it is silly to me, not to them.) A worry is a worry whatever it is, so for me, it’s important that they go to sleep knowing they have told us.

We did have a moment recently when one of my children wrote down something they were really worried about and I was so pleased they used the book - though obviously not pleased they were worried!

‘When your brain is bursting with worries, write them down,’  says https://psychcentral.com. I am no child psychologist but keeping the communication channels open seems to be the right way to go!

There are lots of similar ideas for children being encouraged to have a ‘worry box’ or ‘worry jar’ - where you put worries in and reconsider them at later date.

We have 2 copies of ‘No Worries! Mindful Kids: An activity book for children who sometimes feel anxious or stressed’ by Dr. Sharie Coombes (Author), Katie Abey (Illustrator) which I loved so much I also bought others in the series.

And as my daughter approaches her 12th year I'm increasingly worried about all things teenage. I took an excellent course in parenting teenagers which involved me spending several weeks listening to experts talk about potential issues involving sex, drugs, alcohol and porn.

 

It was useful but scared the living daylights out of me...I probably did it too early - my daughter is only 11 - but knowledge is power (or so I thought...I was wrong, denial works for me ).

But I am hoping the Worry Book helps here too. Judging from my own teenage years, I don’t expect my daughter will want to talk about sex and drugs and Rock ‘n’ Roll, but hopefully using her Worry Book will give her a way of talking without actually talking… 

I like to think that I'm approachable and having different modes of communication will help. To be honest, I don't know how I (or my husband!) would or will cope with any of these topics. Will I even want to know?!

An idea I liked for teenagers was a Self-Soothe box (although I’ll be renaming it something a bit more ‘cool’!)

 

Basically, it’s a box or container containing things to soothe them when they are feeling anxious or down.

 

Examples included fidget toys, lavender pillow spray, sour type sweets, pictures, pamper products & a mindful/grown up colouring book (https://youngminds.org.uk/)

The Worry Book obviously won't work for all children and all parents. But it just works for me and my children now so I thought I would share.

I’ve always been an overthinker and we’ve had moments when the Worry Book has worried me: 'what's in the book tonight?!’ I was left asking my husband!

 

I make him read the book first and make sure it isn't left on my walker at the top of the stairs, for my own anxiety!! Knowing my husband has read it and is aware makes me feel better.

Interestingly, my daughter hasn’t needed the Worry Book for a while since she started listening to audiobooks - especially Harry Potter - to go to sleep (we use Alexa and Audible so I can just turn it off on my phone when I go to bed). I can't really talk because I sleep listening to Jane Austen books or anything David Attenborough every night to stop me lying awake, overthinking.

So the Worry Book is still there if she does need it. And who knows what the next few years will bring…?