Missing Out: From FOMO to JOMO

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Since posting this I’ve really started to feel the ‘missing out’ feeling again (not having had this feeling for 18 months - as nobody could do anything. This, lack of the 'missing out' feeling was an unanticipated positive of lockdown for me. However,  I am only now appreciating it as it is back with vengeance )

A good example is next week's golf competition which I can't go too.... even with the golf I'm sad... but it would be horrible like this so I am hoping I can find the Joy Of Missing Out! 

I'm partly reposting this to help me feel more JOMO!

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Brain injury is cruel, it takes years from you and you can't ever get them back. 

Everyone has had a taste of my restricted life recently and has had the pause button pressed on their lives. It’s rubbish!

FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. It’s been described as a modern day keeping-up-with-the-Jones. 

Nowadays you see everybody's pictures of happy family trips,  holidays and days out all over social media. 

These are the kind of outings on which I  could never take my family,  and if I did, they would be rather different and probably quite difficult. 

When I see these kinds of picture perfect lives, it’s fair to say the green eyed monster rears its ugly head..

My husband would say I haven't missed out on things.

I know how hard he has worked to make sure I was able to attend all the really important things as my children have grown up: my son’s first talent/pre-school leaving show, my daughter’s pre-school leaving celebrations, school sports days, nativity plays.

However as much as this may upset people, I would still argue that although I have been to things, I still feel/felt like I missed out on a lot.

It is only recently that I have had any energy back and I have been able to appreciate anything and been able to do more. During the early years of my recovery, I saw everything through a kind of brain fog.

This brain fog seemed to exacerbate my already crippling anxiety which I developed after the brain haemorrhage. 

Having no energy was awful. My children stayed with my parents every weekend for the first few years (which I was incredibly grateful for). And whilst I think most parents want a little bit of time off, this was a bit of an extreme way of going about getting it.   

I have lost count of the number of times (before lockdown obviously) I sent my children off to something without me. This wasn't because I needed a normal break but because they'd have a far easier day if I wasn't there. 

If this sounds like I am being depressing, I'm not, it's just the way it was/is. They go out. I sit at home,  have a coffee and write my blog.

Plenty of well-meaning people say to me all the time: ‘Come on Claire, ‘just do it/just go’. And for some places this works. I also know if it was the other way round I would be saying that too. 

However, I saw a film (I can't remember the title - well I can but I won't name it because it is the most depressing film ever lol) recently where a main character recommended a place and then said he didn't want the memory destroyed by going there again post injury because he didn't want all the access problems he'd encounter. 

I can completely understand this and think about this exact thing a lot. That is why I can't be bothered with the faf 
because I know what it's like without. I don't want a 'half - arsed' version of the experiences I used to have and I certainly won't have my very few non-disabled memories tainted!

This is why access issues and parking is so important...see my blog post Companies! Please, Just Think...

I have to do things ‘my’ way or not at all. Otherwise I am get upset and ruin whatever we are doing. That's why, when I find somewhere that makes my very small list of ‘places to go where there is no faf’ (Like The British Museum or Greyfriars!), I'll rave about it.

Recently I have felt my FOMO, although it's definitely not just a fear of missing out, is turning into JOMO ( Joy Of Missing Out)

 Although I still occasionally get cross at people's photos of idyllic family scenes, I realise more now that you don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I'm careful what goes on my Instagram so I suspect others are...Plus I care less as long as my immediate family are happy…

I think helping improve my feelings of JOMO is all my mindfulness stuff, which I do to help my anxiety. I think I am generally happier because I appreciate far more than I did and I am generally grateful for most things.

My long-suffering husband is very good now at telling if something is going to work or not. I have learnt to really listen to him as I know he wouldn't put me in an awkward situation.

I am getting out more now or at least I was before COVID-19. Before (and hopefully, soon again) you’ll see me pootling along on my scooter - now with its amazing Orla Kiely covers - with my hot pink headphones in, listening to an audio book and with a hot coffee in my flask.

On the plus side of this pandemic, I got to spend lots of time with my children and everything seemed simpler.

I felt like everyone was getting a chance to walk in my shoes and we were finally all on an equal playing field because no one could do things easily. Everyone was restricted.

Before  lockdown, a couple of my friends once asked me what life after the brain haemorrhage was like and I couldn't really explain.

 Now it's easy because everyone understands what I mean when I say it's like a never-ending personal lockdown where everything is open for everybody else . 

During lockdown, especially the first, I wasn’t able to rely on my parents or my in-laws but this was actually really important for me.  I do have to rely on them again now for school pick ups etc but I feel very differently about it. 

COVID-19 actually gave me the opportunity to show everyone (including me) I am more than capable to do many many things. I did well with home learning,  I looked after a very sick husband without any child care and I didn't have any outside help with the house or children for months!

Looking forward: after all they have been through, my amazing children are totally normal - thank goodness! 

If anything, having to help me has actually helped shape them into the kind, tidy and empathetic people they are (although they won't agree that it has 'helped' them in any way!)

They might not have all the amazing experiences that others they know have - exciting globe-trotting holidays and exciting family excursions - but they are hardly hard-done-by!

I said it before, I am honestly happier not dealing with all the faf. So yes, I know I am missing out and yes, it is/has been incredibly hard but I actually prefer that to dealing with rubbish. I am embracing JOMO.