The many joys of being disabled: Random Sickness and how I wouldn't recommend it.

I spent years trying to lose weight. Years. The year before I got married, I even went to a Rosemary Conley fitness club. I lost half a stone and announced to my fiance that this would be the skinniest I’d ever look.

“Well that was false advertising,” he stated a few years later.

Anyway. We’re still married.

When I had my brain haemorrhage, I went down 3 stone. Oh, the irony. Every cloud and all that…

Although I was the slimmest I’d ever been, I wouldn’t recommend it. I was incredibly, possibly unhealthily, thin. And the fact was, it happened, because after my brain bleed I was randomly sick most days for over a year.

After a year, I was lucky (I jest) enough to be randomly sick every other day or so. Then, slowly I progressed to weekly random vomiting, onto monthly, every few months and finally the random puke stopped happening at all.

Nausea and vomiting can be a hideous - yet common - side effect of the kind of brain haemorrhage and stroke I suffered.

For over two years my best friend was an empty ice cream tub in a plastic bag, which I stuffed inside my lovely L K Bennet handbag (which conveniently had zips in the contoured sides to accommodate it)

I didn’t go anywhere without my ice cream tub friend and there is always a certain black humour when I recall the look of abject horror on peoples’ faces when I explained my tub’s purpose.

I could still eat and drink, it didn’t matter to me really - the sickness just came on randomly and passed as soon as the attack began. But it severely curtailed any will I had to go far from home. I mean, who wants to puke in public?

To be honest I have blocked most of my memories of this part of my life. Even now, I ask myself: why am I even writing about this? I’m far happier pretending ‘Random Vom-Gate’ didn't happen!

But I am writing about it, because it did happen; and consumed much of my thoughts for two whole years. When the periods between the sickness episodes lengthened, it became a bit like a vomit-lottery: 'was today going to be my lucky day?’

At this point, I couldn't envisage a point when I wouldn't want my 'friend' nearby (which is hilarious to think of now when this doesn't seem real!)

It was horrific, I am unbelievably happy it's gone and (quite rightly I think) still traumatised by it.

Two whole years of being regularly sick, people! It's horrible when you have a bug but just imagine having a sickness bug that never goes away, and you still have to get on with things...

I dropped 3 dress sizes and at the time, many people told me I was too thin. I probably was too thin.

Part of me was determined to see the positive, I kept thinking, 'if I have to suffer this dreadful indignity all the time, I am going to enjoy my coffee just the way I want it’ (sugary, with cream and extra marshmallows) and I was going to enjoy being the skinniest I’d ever been!

I am not entirely being serious here. We all want to be good role models for our children and I am very pleased my daughter was too young at the time to understand what amounted to some extreme weight loss.

My attitude of 'I'll eat whatever I like' has continued although I do need to moderate it more now.

I often think 'life is hard enough, so eat some chocolate'. Because there are so many things I have to compromise on now.

But when it comes to food and drink, my overwhelming opinion is all things in moderation

When you combine my sudden/random sickness with the sudden loss of independence, lack of mobility, speech difficulties, double vision and loss of handwriting it sounds quite grim- it was- but a lot has improved now!!

I have a wedding in the autumn and my lovely green Hobbs dress I bought at a personal shopper appointment a few years ago is on the small side. I'm too tight with money to buy another (although I will if I need too…) so I am on a mission to be good.